Going cold turkey on something, no matter what it is, is hard. Like super hard.
I'm not exactly talking about a drug or alcohol problem here - I'm sure that'd whole different story — but for me, I really struggled going cold turkey from travelling.
Feeling all round crappy isn't exactly a happy place to be in, nor should it ever become the norm. Coming from a pretty positive past, I'd never experienced the sadder side to life before. And here it came, just turned 20 and suddenly I'm in the middle of a mid-life crisis? No thank you.
For those of you who don't know, I've been able to spend the past two summers working at an American summer camp in Wisconsin. Shout out to the dairy state! The thought of those cheese curds...oh god. My mouth is salavating just thinking about them...
Now I'm not going to get into it that much in this post, but if you want to know more you can check out in my 'Camp Experience' post. (shameless plug)
In order to work in America you have to get a working visa. For me this has been the J1 Visa, which enables you to stay in the states for a month after your work contact ends. Working whilst traveling makes it way more easier and actually financially do-able. Depending on what you want to obviously do, other than the initial costings to actually work in the states, you don't have to save any additional money to travel. All your paycheques can easily pay for your traveling!
My trip last year is easily the best experience I have ever had. I saw things I've wanted to see forever, visited places I have wanted to visit from as long as I can remember and managed to experience them with the best group of people in the world.
Going from traveling to place to place every few days, being able to relax poolside, camping in the middle of nowhere, staying in the most luxurious hotels - and I mean luxurious, $900 a night! - doing crazy things like jumping off of the Stratosphere and hiking up Nevada Falls in Yosemite. It was the most crazy beautiful thing I'd ever done. And for that to suddenly stop and return to normal day life again. It was one hell of a transition. I unintentionally relied on the travel and the buzz that it gave me and thus when the trip ended, I went cold turkey. No more buzz for me.
To be completely honest with you I got pretty depressed about the whole thing pretty quickly. And whilst it was great to see the family, meet up with friends I hadn't seen in a while and get a bit of normally back into the routine, I was bored with my life.
Bored with my flat, bored of my uni course, bored of where I lived, bored of old friends, bored with retail working, I was just bored in general.
Everything I thought right suddenly didn't feel so great after it all and I ended up spending most of my time thinking about the past and wishing I was back on the road.
And part of it really was great, it was. I don't want family members or friends thinking that I don't care about them because I do, honest. But coming back from such an incredible trip really made me question what I wanted in life. Where I wanted my life to go and how and when I got there.
It made me question everything. Did I still want to study Fashion Design? Do I want to live in Birmingham anymore? Do I like my job? Is it all worth my time and effort? The questions were endless.
I suddenly had hundreds of questions and very little answers.
And things stayed that way for a while. I cruised down the middle. Got my stuff from storage, moved into a new flat, started up uni classes, got a new job. Things were starting to get good again, normal. I just felt like I had two minds about it all.
One half of me loved what I was doing. Fashion is something I have absolutely loved from such a young age, the industry is undeniably the place that I belonged to. Everyone knew that second I turned 3 and demanded I choose my own outfits, I'd already sold my soul to the industry.
And the other half wanted no responsibility other than to herself and to see the world. Camping, seeing, doing. That was all I wanted. Mundanity suddenly became very, well... mundane.
It took me a while- heck, I think I'm still really figuring it all out 6 months down the line. But I think I've found my happy medium.
Fashion is where I belong. I love it, I do. And though it is taxing at times and god, I complain about it to no end most of the time; it is where I belong. And as a friend of mine once said "You were born to design". I can't ignore the universe forever.
Though part of me will love Birmingham forever, its just not my place. London is where I feel most at home. And whilst yes technically, it is home, I aim to move back as soon as possible. The second I moved away from its craziness, I missed it. Every time I get on the over-crowded, slightly smelly tube, I can't help but smile and feel as though I'm home.
Having almost finished my second year at university, my year in industry almost staring me in the face, I will move back home for the year and work in London.
And last but not least, travel.
Starting off the new year in Dublin was the best possible start to the year. I want to travel even more this year and the wheels are already in motion. First the trip to Ireland and now my 4 month trip to the states once again. I'm spending over a third of the year away from England, off traveling the world and accomplishing my dreams. A perfect amount.
What better way to live than to be happy?
I always try stray away from thinking and worrying where you're life is headed too much. If you live too much in the future, you'll miss the now. And the now is where all the cool, fun things happen.
I think no matter where I end up, travel and fashion will always be my first two loves.
Much love, Kat xx